Diary Lies

Dear Diary

Yes I knew A was a playboy. But I went along with it. I was expecting him being a player but at least with some class. Of course I didn't expect that he would disappear just like that.

He has been chasing me for a while. Three months to be exact. He said "I had a crush on you" and I had butterflies in my stomach when he said that. Silly me. But I liked that. I liked the feeling being wanted. And that was it; I let him into my private life.

Nice body I must say. And a great kisser. He definitely knew how to seduce women. I let him seduce me and that was very sensual. But somehow what I wanted was some tenderness. I was looking for a person who could hug me during the night. A shoulder I could rest on. I wasn't looking for a steaming sex session so in the end I didn't let him have me.

I wonder if it was because I didn't let him so he disappeared. But he did offer me what I wanted: He hugged me the whole night and I felt asleep in his arms.

I woke up in the morning and saw him off. He leaned and kissed me. Somehow I had a feeling I won't be seeing him again and I was right.

Strangely, being left along like that feels like a break-up. And a broken heart.

Dear Diary

Today I read an article from Glamour on the plane. The title of the article was "The guilty confessions of women who LIE".

It was reassuring to know that other women lie from time to time, or actually, most of the time. It made me feel normal.

There are a lot of reasons why people lie. I had a look of some of the reasons listed in the article:

• To make life easier or more interesting
• To appear more in control or more likeable
• To cover themselves
• To spare someone’s feelings

For me it could be all of above, or none of above. Simply because, I have no idea about myself, let alone the reasons I choose to lie.

Can a person “choose” to lie? Sometimes I think it’s more spontaneous. Lies just come out naturally. As if, they were the truth. And sometimes when we tell enough lies it become the reality. Because we actually are "living in lies".

Very existentialist belief.

I look at myself. Why do I lie? Is there any thing wrong with my life that I have to lie to make it better?

I am an executive who travels around internationally. I have a gorgeous husband who adores me dearly. I have a beautiful contemporary inner city apartment in one of the most desirable cities. I am still young and still turn heads.

And, I am not happy.