Diary Lies

Dear Diary

F called me two nights in the row. He sent me short messages from his mobile while playing Golf with his clients. He told me that he was, thinking about me.

I guess we are entering into a new territory.

“So you want to be chased?” on the phone he asked, “You want to be a princess?”

That’s when we started to talk about the Cinderella story.

Frankly I don’t believe it. I don’t want to be a Cinderella and I will never want to be one.

I often wonder what happened between Cinderella and the Prince.

What could they have in common? What could Cinderella talk about with the Prince? That a few drops of lavender with a pinch of lemon in the water would clean the stove stains really well?

I must admit at one stage I wanted to be taken care of financially. That was when I worked day and night just to support my university studies. When I finally finished my degrees I thought my life was going to change. But it didn’t. I still worked part-time at the same place doing the same thing. I came to the end of the tunnel and I couldn’t see the light. All I had, I thought, was my youth.

And I almost, almost, sold myself.

“I want to be treated like a princess. But not Cinderella.” I said.

After all these years I have acquired the lifestyle I’ve always wanted through my own effort. I no longer need anyone to spread some mercy. Comfortable and content with my little achievement, I do not need a prince to save me from anything.

That night when F walked me back to the hotel in Tokyo, he casually and jokingly said: “Why don’t you sell me your time? I will send you a two year contract and specify the services required.”

He named a price before he said goodbye. “Think about it. What do you want?”

What do I want? I don’t know what I want but I do know what I don’t want.

I whispered into F’s ear: “I am not a business.”

“ Don’t run me like a business.”