Diary Lies

Dear Dairy

A said he would call me today. Of course he didn’t. This is what happened when you start falling for someone.

I sense this is bigger than a crush. And I let it happen. Deliberately.

I have been thinking about him, you know, since that morning he left my hotel room. Perhaps it was like an episode that I didn’t get to see the ending that I kept on thinking about it. Or perhaps it’s because I have not felt my heart filling with such a bittersweet for a long, long, long time.

When was the last time I felt it? It was with E. And that was, a long time ago.

No A is not E. He cannot be. E’s face has been replaced by D. I have finally overcome my shadow. I am no longer a lingering ghost in my past. Or am I?

Am I searching for the slightest resemblance of E from all the men I’ve been with?

Am I actually looking for him knowing I would never, ever, ever, be with him again?