Diary Lies

Dear Diary

I had a very exquisite dinner with F in Tokyo two nights ago. In a very exclusive Italian restaurant, with the restaurant manager as our only waiter.

F and I met a few years ago on the Gold Coast in a typical Cinderella manner. I was a part-time souvenir shop assistant trying to make my ends meet and he was a millionaire on holiday. He walked into my shop one day. I served him. We chatted. And he came back for a chat the day after, and the day after, and the day after. And that was it.

So there we were, sitting in that gorgeously lit restaurant, it was in fact the first time we went on a date.

He said “you don’t understand how much I feel for you.” He was right. I don’t.

The relationship we have, if you can call it a relationship at all, is a very strange one. I am not his lover, not his mistress, not his girlfriend, not even a friend. I am just a person who happens to be in his life by chance. And by a very thin chance that we somehow have managed to stay in touch during all these years.

So when he told me at the dinner that he had pushed me away because he was in love with me too much I could not comprehend what he was talking about. “I still have feeling for you.” He said.

I don’t know what it means. What experience am I going to embark from here?